This page was last updated on February 7, 2012.
Why vote Republican; Dan Cogley; Beaver County Times; February 5, 2012.
Previous letters from Mr. Cogley I critiqued were “We need more Democrats,” “Try trickle-up effect,” “Elderly will be hit under GOP policies,” “Let politicians try unemployment,” and “Cuban missile déjà vu.” Letters from Mr. Cogley I didn’t critique include “Question in need of an answer” (4/7/11) and “Suggested cuts they won’t make” (3/14/11).
Below is a detailed critique of the subject letter.
“In order to vote Republican:”
[RWC] This letter is not exactly original. Consider “‘Thank God I’m a Democrat’” from 2005.
“I must not like children: No lunch program; no heating program; make them start work at 9 years old.”
[RWC] Absolutely. Republicans are not of this world. Republicans clone themselves (as the Asgard) and are “born” fully grown.
In this category, we need to give U.S. Rep. Michele Bachman (R-MN) and her husband top marks for deception. The Bachmanns have five kids of their own (probably immature clones) and cared for 23 foster children.
“I must not like old people: no medical care; just let them die; no Social Security; no program to help feed the poor; must show picture ID to vote, even if you have not driven for 10 or 15 years.”
[RWC] True. We are immortal, immune to all disease, and our bodies heal themselves when injured, except when we’re beheaded. In the case of catastrophic injury, like a beheading, our consciousness is uploaded to a cloaked resurrection ship in Earth orbit then downloaded to a clone.
“Must not like abortion: We will late term abort them by starvation or they will kill each other. Millionaires need the money to create jobs, but if the poor don’t have money to buy their goods, where do they sell them at?”
[RWC] Unaborted, unborn children “will kill each other?”
As aliens, Republican wealth is not of this world so we don’t care “if the poor don’t have money to buy [our] goods.” Democrat “millionaires” are really Republicans posing as Democrats. Among the many examples are Peter Lewis (Progressive Insurance); George Soros (Wall Street banker); U.S. Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV); Wall Street banker, former Gov., and former U.S. Senator Jon Corzine (D-NJ); and U.S. Senator and Mrs. John Kerry-Heinz (D-MA).
“I must not like women: Not smart; should be home cleaning the house.”
[RWC] Yep, just like U.S. Rep. Michele Bachman (R-MN), Judge Janice Rogers Brown (United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit), U.S. Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), former National Security Advisor and Sec. of State Condoleezza Rice, and so on.
“I must vote against clean air, health care, anything that will help the common good of our people. I will not eat green eggs and ham.”
[RWC] Yep, Republicans don’t need clean air and healthcare. As noted above, we’re really from another world and we require polluted air and water similar to that on our home world.
“And to summarize, the Republicans sure won’t help the jobless, the homeless, the sick, the poor and the hungry. That’s why I will vote for the Democrats.”
[RWC] True again. As noted above, Republicans are aliens and we’re clearing the planet of humans (“the jobless, the homeless, the sick, the poor and the hungry”) by attrition.
I noticed Mr. Cogley failed to note Republicans are also bigots, homophobes, racists, et cetera. Perhaps Mr. Cogley just forgot or was closing in on the BCT letter-size limit.
Seriously, though, do folks like Mr. Cogley believe this stuff or do they prefer to throw grenades because they know they can’t debate the issues and come out on top?
© 2004-2012 Robert W. Cox, all rights reserved.